211029

Joke of the Day

"Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin' to Do."

"New Years Resolutions I've decided on a few attainable resolutions... * put on some weight * exercise less * watch some TV, play some computer games * procrastinate (maybe I'll do that later)"

"[Target cashier stares at my fingerless gloves] Ah, couldn't help notice you were admiring my hand vests."

"A pirate walks into a bar... And sits down orders a drink without anybody making a pun about his nuts."

"Why did Kelly Clarkson cross the road? Because of you."

"Why are Australians never late for work? Their snooze button only lasts 6 minutes."

"I never go camping, but I sometimes go to bed without the TV on so I get it."

"Confucius say, man who fart in church. Sit in own pew."

"I wonder how many husbands out there are frantically scribbling ""free hug coupons"" right now because they forget to get their wife a gift."

"I remember one time my uncle asked me to spell ""schadenfreude"", and I couldn't. But he's dead now and I'm not, so I win."