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Joke of the Day

"I'm really good at making jazzy versions of rap songs in my bathroom but I don't know how to put that on my resume so I'll just demonstrate?"

"A man walks into a bar He suffered a minor concussion."

"""What's your favourite Pixar film?"" ""Up, yours?"" ""No need to be like that I was only asking"""

"I think the best thing about being a cyclops is no one would notice if you had a lazy eye."

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend Until the LSD wears off and I'm actually dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park"

"They say that unless you remember history you are destined to repeat it. -I say to myself every time I think about cutting bangs."

"Bill Gates How does Bill Gates fix a broken lightbulb? He buys a new house."

"What is the only meat a Catholic Priest is allowed to eat on Good Friday? Nun"

"What do you do when you hear a woman got hit by a car? Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus stop? One is a busty crustacean, the other is a crusty bus station."