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Joke of the Day

"Today's so hot it was offered a lucrative recording contract even though it can't sing"

"What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey? Anchor."

"How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is."

"What do you call not wanting to reminisce? No-stalgia."

"Why didn't they just call the Selfie Stick a NarcissiStick?"

"*thousands of puppies flooding onto the battlefield* General: ""STAY STRONG, MEN!"" *soldiers just petting puppies everywhere*"

"Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable? Just cos."

"*hates you so much replaces everything and everyone you love with a cat* even if you already have a cat, *replaces it with a worse cat*"

"Remember when the Backstreet Boys sang 'Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely' and then we all showed them for the rest of their lives?"

"Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep."