118440

Joke of the Day

"Build a man a fire... and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life."

"My new breast reduction clinic is called ... Tits for tats."

"A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say ""I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"""

"* Falls down rock face * Breaks legs. Bleeds profusely * Slowly reaches for pocket * Pulls out phone * Checks twitter notifications"

"A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand."

"I never wear red because I don't want to anger any bulls disguised as cab drivers or businessmen."

"On the way into work I dropped my doughnut on the sidewalk. You read about these things, but never think it'll happen to you."

"""I'm so self-conscious"" ""I'm a very private person"" ""I'm the shyest person I know"" *posts 43 selfies a week* - girls on Instagram"

"Why was the snow yellow? Elsa let it go."

"This guy's ""game"" is so bad, He can't get pussy from a dead cat."