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Joke of the Day

"Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge? He couldn't keep his hands off his privates"

"Your mother ...is so big that when she was born the doctor broke a bottle of champagne over her head."

"Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting."

"The movie spoiler you won't be able to avoid this Xmas! It turns out Alvin is Theodore's FATHER!"

"What's the key to long lasting Relationships? Not breaking up"

"Despite hating tomatoes, I was a tomato in a school play. I put my personal beliefs aside and nailed the role because I was a professional."

"A teenage girl found out that she was pregnant. She thought to herself ""My mom's gonna kill me"". the newly formed embryo did the same."

"So a horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" The horse responds, ""They wouldn't renew Sex and the City for another season."""

"A family walks into a Hotel... The Dad walks up to the desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The receptionist says ""It's regular porn you sick fuck."""

"Put a load into the dryer and had to twist every dial to correct setting. I won't lie to you: it made me feel like a Space Captain"