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Joke of the Day
"It goes without saying, that..."
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"Me: Table for one, please. Waiter: Would you like to see the men-- Me: YES."
"Q: What do you call dirt? A: Dirty."
"Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up."
"What do you call the space in between Pamela Anderson's breasts? Silicon Valley"
"What's Beethoven's favorite fruit? Elton John."
"To the guy that called twice at 4am, here's your score: Used correct numbers (A+) Dialed numbers in correct order (F-)"
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To watch the mason lay a brick."
"So a bar walks into a guy 's asshole and the guy is like ""Fuck ouch dammit my prostate!"""
"Doc: Let's check your reflexes. Me: I have the reflexes of a cat. Doc: *hits my knee with a hammer* Me: MEOW! *scratches Doc's eyes out*"