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Joke of the Day

"My 13 yo niece is ""experimenting with alcohol"" according to my dad. Like she's keeping a ledger of her findings. ""12/21/09: Scotch. Woo!"""

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"

"Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship? They need space."

"A photon both raises his hand and shouts ""Goodbye!"" It's a wave and a parting call."

"""It's over there by the Walgreens"" - directions to anywhere"

"If the tv show ""Cops"" has taught me anything, it's to stay away from ppl with blurry faces. They always cause trouble."

"Did you hear about the marketplace where everything cost twelve and a half cents? It was a bit bazaar."

"You drive a truck your whole life... and no one calls you a trucker; You suck one cock and all of a sudden you're a cocksucker!"

"Why don't black people get sunburns? Prisons are indoors. *(sorry black redditors)*"

"I want to apologize for the awful true things I said when I was angry."