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Joke of the Day

"my new year resolution is 1080p thanks please make this go viral so my ex gf stephanie sees it steph if ur reading this please take me back"

"People tell me that I'm a bad knitter oops, wrong thread"

"I've decided to leave my past behind me.. So if I owed you money- I'm sorry but I've moved on."

"Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!"

"My girlfriend said, ""Hey, want to hear a dirty joke..."" I expected her to say ""a white horse in mud"", but she surprised me with ""your dick after we do anal""."

"50 cent filed for bankruptcy... That makes no cents."

"If i get a rat tail... If i get a rat tail on my chinese food, should i complain or is it on the house?"

"I learned 10 jokes about clickbait today. But I won't tell them. You wouldn't belive number 7 anyway."

"Today, I cleaned the house. It was awesome. My favorite part was finding things I didn't remember having. Like where'd these kids come from?"

"I haven't spoken to my wife in three weeks. She told me not to interrupt her."