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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me that if I took her to get sushi, I didn't have to use a condom after. She's getting the raw end of that deal!"

"I never could have made it to my sixth Twitter anniversary without the support of my wife and kids, whatever their names are."

"Did you hear about the pig who saved a man's life? There was this guy who was starving to death..."

"The poor sentence got hurt while riding his bike... He got his dangling modifier stuck in the chain."

"What do you call a shoe with no grip? A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)"

"There are two ways of arguing with a woman And neither one works."

"Why do children cry when they find out Santa isn't real? They figured out who has been drinking their milk and eating the cookies!"

"I thought I was wrong once But I was mistaken"

"What's the difference between a white Jew and a black Jew? Black Jews have to get in the back of the oven."

"I am so dwarf that... I am so dwarf that people don't take me seriously enough to win any competition other than stand up comedy!"