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Joke of the Day

"me:(nervously) so I gotta fight one of these things? zookeeper: what? no me: I choose...the polar bear zookeeper: why would you choose that"

"I went to read the dictionary, but... My aardvark had the exact same idea before me. He didn't really get far."

"A pretty girl walks into a bar. Bartender asks, ""what are you having?"". Girl responds ""I'll take a a Double entendre"". ... So he gives it to her."

"4yo has repeated one word for an hour. 6yo is ninja fighting his imaginary friend. My move to a mental asylum will be an easy transition."

"Want to hear a corny joke? It's so good, you'd say it was a-maize-ing"

"WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?"

"*on the subway* CUTE GUY: [mouths ""hi""] PRETTY GIRL: [mouths ""hi"" back] ME, IN BETWEEN THEM: [exaggeratedly mouths ""YOU GUYS LIKE HOTDOGS""]"

"A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do."

"You know what the difference between an SUV and a rental car is? You can take a rental car *anywhere*."

"Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington"