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Joke of the Day

"I hit a deer last night. It died instantly. I feel awful, but when I'm jogging I'm in my own world."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To see why /r/jokes is screwing in lightbulbs"

"Why the hell would I use turn signals? I know where we're going."

"kids now have dating apps but back in my day we had to run through the city shirtless with a megaphone screaming ""why does no one want me"""

"I just overheard a woman tell her son ""We don't lick other people, it's gross"" and now I'm reevaluating so many choices I've made."

"Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'."

"You know what the budding prostitute told me? ""You break it you buy it""."

"How does every racist joke start? *looks around the room*"

"Yo momma cooks so bad... The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door. >we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!"

"I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn't hear me call shotgun."