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Joke of the Day

"I had an issue with my XBone suddenly breaking & emitting smoke... I wasn't too disappointed that my XBone crashed and burned but I couldn't stand the fact that the smoke was even in low-res"

"According to the employee handbook, I only require to show up sober. It doesn't say I can't drink once I get here."

"A man walks into the doctor's office wearing nothing but cellophane (saran-wrap). Dr. says, ""Clearly I can see your nuts!"""

"[turning off Shrek 2] well, i'd say that movie was shrekcellent! ""trent, 1 more shrek pun and i'm divorcing you."" oh karen, don't ogre-react"

"After years of cooking, I've found that the best way to prepare brussels sprouts is to throw them away and order pizza."

"What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where's popcorn?"

"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: grandma what big eyes you have WOLF: u really think I look like ur grandma? I should eat u just for that u dumb shit"

"OH in the bathroom: ""Thank God I have another pair of panties in my bag, I shit all over these"". What. The. Fuck."

"What kind of money do religious businesses make? Prophet."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer.. I don't know what he laced em with but I've been tripping all day......!"