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Joke of the Day

"Wait. I thought Fifty Shades of Grey was just a coloring book for dogs."

"My hair is beautiful.* *Conditioner applied."

"I said to my dyslexic mate, ""Guess which band has split up?"" He said, ""Erm..."""

"Did you guys hear about the new porno about the Gorilla? It's called Harambe's Out for Dicks"

"I gave a melon a vasectomy. Now it can't elope"

"A Roman walks into a bar... He says ""I'd like a martinus,"" the bartender replies ""don't you mean a martini?"", the Roman replies ""if I wanted a double I'd have asked for one.'"

"Technically, ears can be ""Love Handles"" too."

"What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him? ''Hey! I'm Joaquin here!''"

"Why did god kill all the herbivore dinosaurs? He liked his salads a little meteor."

"What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery."