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Joke of the Day

"If I hear a bang when I'm driving I just assume I broke the sound barrier. Not sure where all these dents are coming from though."

"What is the most popular Canadian poultry restaurant? Chic-fil, eh?"

"You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken."

"""dad mom wont tell me where babies come from"" *dad slams newspaper down* DAMN THAT WOMAN & HER SECRETS *clenches fists* WHY WONT SHE TELL US"

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree onto you it will probably kill you? A pool table. (*)"

"What do you call the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch voting? Counting Crows"

"Just want to thank my mailman for delivering my recycling directly to my house."

"If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms."

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said ""I wanna watch"""

"How do you suffocate a redneck? Tape his mouth shut."