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Joke of the Day

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree onto you it will probably kill you? A pool table. (*)"

"Do you want to know how to keep a dummy intrigued? I'll tweet it tomorrow."

"Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there."

"WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you."

"What brand of makeup does cap'n crunch wear C'ereal"

"My father had a stroke he's all right now."

"I like to sneak into people's houses and masturbate in their livingroom. ...so far no ones heard me cumming."

"My girlfriend wanted me to be more like her ex. So I dumped her."

"What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life And you're starting back off at your last checkpoint."

"Orion's Belt? A Waist of Space."