11763

Joke of the Day

"Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty."

"Q&A Q: What did Norman Bates call his little sister? (You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)"

"How did the Trump supporter find his sister in the woods? Not bad."

"I am Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

"Hey Dad, do the Indian people celebrate Thanksgiving? They did. Once."

"What did the deaf, dumb, blind orphan get for Christmas? *Cancer!*"

"How do you know when you've fucked an apple? When you're in cider"

"Twitter is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do and takes you nowhere"

"I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head."

"What would happen if you ate yeast and polish? You would rise and shine."