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Joke of the Day

"Him: *hands me glass of clear liquid* Is this glass half full or half empty? Me: Is that water or vodka? Him: Vodka. Me: Empty."

"Why does Yoda think 5 is afraid of 7? Because ""6, 7 ate""."

"*SEXIST* If the man's bathrooms on the left, where is the woman's... Even further left because they HAVE NO RIGHTS!"

"[superhero meeting] ""What's your enemy called?"" ""Dr Doom. Yours?"" ""Joker"" [stifles laughter] ""I HAVE OTHERS"" ""Ye-"" ""Penguin"" [just loses it]"

"I like my racist jokes like I like black people! I don't like black people."

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam!"

"Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor Bastard."

"[awful tragedy happens] me (rolling up sleeves): time to be an idiot online"

"Why does the Illuminati have to be the bad guy all the time? Why can't they just be the Illuminice?"

"Mike Pence has a strong resume, including Governor of Indiana and Shawshank Prison Guard. #VPDebate"