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Joke of the Day

"All this white pollen is fucking up my sinuses big time. *snorts another line off mirror*"

"If I haunt your house after I die and you hear strange noises, I probably just want you to change the TV channel. Please don't ghostbust me."

"A little Muslim girl tells her husband: ""I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Husband says: ""You can do one or the other, you can't do both."""

"Pick a card, any card. No, not that one. Not that one, either."

"For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair"

"That was actually pretty funny. But, I don't like you. Therefore, I will not laugh."

"Man texted: ""I want you to be my little angle."" I answered: ""Do you want me to be obtuse, right, or acute?"" Two days have passed, no reply."

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Welcome to the jungle. Happy Birthday to you. - Christina Aguilera at a kid's birthday party."

"""So Sherlock..."" asked Watson, ""I forget, what was your highest degree of education?"" ""Elementary, my dear Watson."""

"him: i love you me: im saving my emotions for the star wars premiere"