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Joke of the Day

"That was actually pretty funny. But, I don't like you. Therefore, I will not laugh."

"You know why half a joke isn't funny?"

"What's the difference between Trump and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself"

"I was with my mom today when some guy backed into our car. I joked with my mom ""That guy's pull out game is weak."" My mom replied ""Not as weak as your dad's."""

"Never discuss with your wife... ...because all you do is 'diss' and 'cuss'"

"Wife walked in on me... Fucking our daughter. I don't know what she was more shocked about me fucking my daughter or the hospital allowing me to being home a still born"

"one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process"

"Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you've lost and then do those things for the ones you still have."

"What's a nice way to tell someone that you don't want talk while you're working out? It's not ""Shut up, asshole."" Apparently."

"*wife comes out in a robe* I'm hiding your present Yes it's wrapped Nooo, it's not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT'S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!"