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Joke of the Day
"my New Years resolution is to stop making stupid New Years resolutions. I failed."
Next Joke
"Why was the comedian with bad-ended jokes unpopular? Because everytime he told a joke people fainted in the end."
"My wife was having an affair... I was devastated. But, by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning."
"How do you hold your liqour? I hold mine by the ears."
"Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV."
"Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. ""Look! Hahaha!"" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam."
"I beat my girlfriend at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that *I* choose the pizza toppings."
"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich... After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times."
"Rental fleet car is like a prostitute, own car is like a wife Never marry a prostitute."
"I'm shocked that not one dairy farmer in Israel has thought to call his company ""Cheeses of Nazareth""!"