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Joke of the Day

"Teacher asked us today, ""What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?"" You can't hear a protein. (Wait for it)"

"How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job? She swallowed"

"Doctor: You have acute appendicitis. Me: And you have a cute face. Drinks?"

"How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: a word"

"I'm stuck at a boring wedding reception, tell me a joke to get through it"

"A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda"

"Why is Santa always so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls are."

"How do you know if Helen Keller just masturbated? She spits when she talks."

"Why can't French people count to 5? Because there's a **tree** in the way."

"If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies? A Swallow"