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Joke of the Day

"A non-smoker says to a smoker ""Excuse me, would you mind smoking somewhere else?"" The smoker replied, ""Hypothetically, yes."""

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year."

"[art store] You do free framing? ""With any purchase"" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today. She was a bitch."

"What do you call a lost Asian man? Disoriental"

"What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"If life begins at conception then I can use the carpool lane for the next few days"

"How Many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because they're so darn stupid!"

"Once this whole ""global warming thing"" melts the ice caps We're gonna have a canoe world order."

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."