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Joke of the Day

"The Tea Party sounds quite nice until you discover their tea tastes of homophobia and their fondant fancies are made of guns and rage."

"Judge:You are sentenced to death. Judge: You'll be hung. Wife from down the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG! Me: Your Honor please uncuff me so I can high five my wife."

"I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop."

"What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? I don't know, he couldn't open it."

"Islam? No. Is pork. That's not Halaled."

"Sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously."

"why didn't the alcoholic become a lawyer? because he couldn't pass the bar"

"What do you call a rich South American? A Brazilianaire!"

"My ex-wife still misses me BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! Ya see its funny because marriage is terrible."

"Why did David Schwimmer need ear drops? He had Schwimmer's ear."