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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor knocked on my door at 3am!!!! 3 in the morning can you believe that?! Luckily, I was still awake playing my drums."

"What do you get when you cross weed with weed? You get high."

"wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree"

"Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick."

"How can you tell if a girl is a lesbian? Look really closely at her tongue.... If it's in another girls vagina, she's a lesbian"

"You know what I really like about you, girl? You're really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha"

"Why is Unidan's current account called UnidanX? It's his tenth alt account."

"Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him."

"Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now."

"Well I was going to donate blood today until.... the lady got all personal and started asking, ""Who's blood is this?"" and ""How did you get it?"""