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Joke of the Day

"ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: ""she's nuts. This guy rules*"

"What do Australians call the state in which Sydney is located? (nsfw) New South Fucking Wales"

"[Putting petrol in car] 19.95 19.96 19.97 [stops] [gently now] 19.98 [very gently] 19.99 [ok, once more] [deep breath] 37.83 GODDAMMIT"

"If girls is boys If girls were boys for a day,The first thing he did was supposed to be:Pee on a tree"

"I was so busy yesterday, my smart phone had 75% battery left at the end of the day."

"What's brown and sticky? (wait! There's more...) What's brown and sticky? A Stick. What's brown, sticky and Yiddish? A schtick."

"Paddy and Murphy walk into a bar... Hand in hand"

"I've developed a phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them."

"What happened when fire and the wheel were invented? People got lit and turnt."

"Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends? Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo."