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Joke of the Day

"IT'S THE COPS. COME OUT WITH UR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD. ""Bring out my bread? NO ABOVE UR HEAD ""Hello 911? Ducks are pretending to be cops"""

"If ""Pretty Woman"" teaches us anything it's that prostitution is a lucrative, whimsical enterprise that every young woman should try."

"I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo."

"forgive me Father for I have sinned, this is my fourth slice of pizza"

"to keep things interesting in the bedroom, try bringing in a second laptop"

"6.9 is a very good thing fucked by a period."

"I am a child molester just like my dad was a child molester. He rubbed off on me."

"To be clear...putting your entire fist in your mouth should be a party trick saved for after Uncle Barry leaves"

"Statically, 1 in every 10 people live next to a pedophile. Not me though, I live next to a little boy with a fat ass"

"Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those ""plane clothes cops."""