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Joke of the Day

"I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving."

"How does a Jew make coffee? He brews it."

"One time I shot a gun... And the gun died!"

"Sorry I broke your arm when your reached for that last slice of pizza. -Flirting is hard."

"Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna."

"What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal"

"Friends are like snow when you pee on them, they disappear."

"Waiter, ""Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert."" me- ""did you know octopuses have a beak?"" W-""no"" Me- ""who's the expert now?"""

"My friend keeps saying ""cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"" I hope he means well..."

"Q: Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning? A: Because he can't see through the wall."