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Joke of the Day

"Why does Naruto vomit after every meal? He's **BULIMIC!**"

"What is a pirate's favorite drink? The HI-C! (punchline must be said in proper pirate voice) (this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)"

"Why aren't any transvestites astronauts? Because in space, there's no drag.^please^dont^hurt^me."

"[Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4. Experts say it was caused by a race condition."

"Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA"

"I love being American. Just the other day I ate half my meal, got even fatter, then threw the rest away because f*ck starving people."

"it's 2:36 am i'm hiding in my bathroom smokin bongs by myself ladies and gentlemen i didn't ask to be a winner , god just chose me to be one"

"Did you hear that the CEO of Under Armour got in trouble with police recently? He was caught KEVIN, PLANKING, in a restricted area!"

"I've started a charity for donating horchata-flavored espressos to deaf Americans in Thailand. It's called the ""ASL Rice Phuket Allonge"""

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves Carrying loads of sugar."