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Joke of the Day

"No thanks, cosmetics lady. I'm years past 'bare & natural'. Save us both some time & show me the stuff you'd need to prep & refinish a wall."

"Please don't share 9/11 jokes, I lost my dad on 9/11 He took over 2500 infidels with him"

"You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn't notice... until they needed to wink at somebody."

"What does walking a tight rope and receiving a blow job from your mother-in-law have in common? In both cases it is strongly advisable to not look down"

"Studies show That 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy"

"I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that's totally fine, and science shouldn't stop her."

"I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears"

"[Staring deep into David Schwimmer's eyes] ""I'm afraid I only like you as a Friend"""

"What happens to a tapeworm after it dies? It will be interred."

"How do you get a Twinkie pregnant? How to put it in a box of Ding Dongs."