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Joke of the Day

"Playing 8-person smash was one of the deepest and most thought provoking experiences I've ever had... I spent the whole time trying to find myself"

"How do you spell me? ""M E."" ""No you forgot the D."" ""There's no D in me."" ""Not yet."" It's a classic, my friend got me with this right after I got him with the ""duck weigh""."

"I typed ""Cigarettes"" in the search bar and it said ""No Matches"". The universe has spoken."

"what do you say about a high mountain? its pretty stoned"

"New Year's resolution is to stop drinking. Dies of thirst."

"INTERVIEWER: Would you like a donut? ME: *takes three* I: Um, ok, what's your greatest strength? ME: [grabbing two more donuts] Self-control"

"[meeting the parents] Do you have one in blonde?"

"I want a ""refrigerataur."" Half horse, half refrigerator. I could ride it AND eat from it which is just plain sensible we are in a recession."

"I bought shoes from my drug dealer. I'm not sure what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day."

"I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops."