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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them."

"My girlfriend asked me to get her a cold drink. Apparently cough syrup wasn't what she was after."

"Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend Fair trade if you ask me"

"Why is England the wettest country? Monarchies have reigned there for centuries."

"I wonder what will be bigger The video games of the future or the average Tumblr user"

"What's the difference between a swimmer and a gay? The swimmer smells like chlorine all over his body, while the gay only smells like chlorine on one part"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? one's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean"

"Her: You know I love it when you pull my hair... Me: Yes, baby Her: But the other people at this PTA meeting are beginning to stare."

"Two widgets walk into a sidebar... where's the menu? ...my wife's joke :)"

"I can always tell which waiters are just in it to make money and which are in it for the love of grossly exaggerating how hot plates are."