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Joke of the Day

"Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented"

"Girl, did you fall out of heaven? Cause you're showing signs of deranged cognitive abilities in your brain highly suggestive of Post-concussion syndrome."

"You know you have a drinking problem if the bartender knows your name.....and you've never even been to that bar before."

"Chuck Norris keeps his pillow under his gun."

"Terminate an unwanted conversation with someone you haven't seen for years with the words, ""Wow. You've aged badly..."""

"How did the Reddit user read his newspaper? <ORIGINAL> He Reddit"

"How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats!"

"My history teacher found a tampon He's still trying to figure out what period it's from."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Belle ! Belle who ? Belle-t up and open this door !"

"If Jesus had been discovered to have no risen, what would this be called? Resurectile dysfunction."