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Joke of the Day

"Sure, your carpenter could turn water into wine, Father. Now let ME tell you about a plumber who can increase his size by eating mushrooms."

"I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt."

"Why'd the hipster burn his mouth? He had his soup before it was cool."

"What did the mexican get on his SAT's? Taco crumbs"

"The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone"

"My aunt called me a basket case so I swallowed all of her decorative, weaved pieces of art that hold things to show her."

"going to the gym to throw donuts at all the skinny people"

"Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball."

"How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb? Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters."

"My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water... I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat."