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Joke of the Day

"Why does Tiger Woods carry 2 blow-up sex dolls with him at all times? Incase he gets a hole in one."

"What do you call an eye doctor living on an island in Alaska? An optical Aleutian."

"Don't like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I'd consider it."

"What does a Seal drink at a bar? Anything but Canadian Club.."

"The total age of the women I've slept with this year is 132, which would be so much more impressive if it was more than two women."

"I've come to accept the fact that I'm quite vain. On a vanity scale of 1-10 I'm about a 6. . . A sexy six."

"I had a job interview today, the interviewer asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. Luckily, I have 2020 vision."

"So, I was going to make a Gay joke butt fuck it"

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"I have a habit... I have a habit of flipping around letters in a word. You say pencil, I say cenpil. You say banana, I say nababa. You say popcorn, I shut up."