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Joke of the Day

"[traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?"

"I only discriminate against people who discriminate. I'm basically the Dexter of discrimination."

"You know whats hard? Bricks."

"How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft."

"What's your number? A jewish girl and a man walks into a bar. They hit it off and the man asks for the girls number. She lifts her sleeve."

"Dear math, stop telling me to find your X Their not coming back, grow up and solve your own problems"

"Camels don't mind carrying Arabs around... They just think they smell like Shi'ite."

"WHO'S ANGRY ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN WASHINGTON? AND WHY? I'M REALLY UNINFORMED."

"An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over. Yep, she needs a walker"

"How does a pedophile have a threesome without getting caught? By having sex with a pregnant woman."