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Joke of the Day

"If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on. My grandfathers favorite joke."

"What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions? A gallop poll."

"Two scientists walk into a bar... Two scientists walk into a bar. The first asks for H2O. The second asks for H2O, too. The second man dies."

"Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last tweet. Because, you know... weed and Sudoku."

"My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks taste like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad."

"why didn't the cannibal want to be late to dinner? Because he didn't want to get the cold shoulder."

"Been waiting at the bar for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake!!!!!"

"What did the janitor get for his birthday? A urinal cake."

"Just watched two of my kids try and fail to open a cereal box so I've concluded that playing Mozart during pregnancy is bullshit."

"Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months? The box said 2-4 years!"