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Joke of the Day

"My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush."

"A man went to jail for sexually abusing a monkey. He was an apeist!"

"Gas dropped to 77 cents a gallon in some places in Michigan. But don't bother, it was leaded."

"I had a frozen apple for lunch today It was hardcore"

"Helmholtz Resonators made out of Lampshades, Company name is Silence of the Lamps"

"Why are monkeys pedantic? Because they love nitpicking."

"What happens when you put the batteries in backwards in an Energizer Bunny? It keeps cumming and cumming and cumming...."

"What religion do mosquitoes follow? Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. ^Sorry."

"I tried anal once It was fucking shit"

"I've been asking God to send me my soul-mate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look."