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Joke of the Day

"As a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious."

"I'm naming my new exercise regime 'Brexit'. It's the quickest way to lose pounds."

"How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One... or two? One... or two?"

"I don't always think I'm right....but whenever I think I'm wrong I tend to be mistaken."

"""<------------ people who don't want Ellen Pao to go."" --someone who's never getting to the front page"

"My girlfriend said she doesn't mind what car she gets, as long as it gets her from A to B. Which I fully support. Her boobs are far too small."

"When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back."

"This joke is funny only today. Knock, knock. Who's there? Open. Open who? Open SSL."

"Mickey Mouse and Minnie are in divorce court... The judge asks, ""So what's going on Mickey, is she just crazy or something?"" Mickey replies, ""No, your Honor. She's fucking Goofy."""

"What do you call a bodybuilder that can't sing? Muscle tone deaf."