221999

Joke of the Day

"Mickey Mouse and Minnie are in divorce court... The judge asks, ""So what's going on Mickey, is she just crazy or something?"" Mickey replies, ""No, your Honor. She's fucking Goofy."""

"My ex's ex and my left hand are dating."

"*watching a cop walk past during drug deal* ok relax, just be cool.. ""bonjour mademoiselle how much of le methamphetamine dost thou fancy"""

"What do you call a Mexican who has his Mondeo stolen? Carlos"

"It's hard for me to believe that the new Star Wars trailer has already been seen millions of times. How do they even know where it's parked?"

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? You may have to give me a few minutes to get hard, I just got laid this morning."

"I keep a No. 2 pencil in my pocket just in case motherfuckers wanna test me."

"When I find something in my purse on the first reach-in I feel like I should get some applause or something."

"Why aren't there any walmarts in Afghanistan? Because there's a Target on every corner!"

"Knock knock Who's there? Dexter Dexter, who? Dexter halls with boughs holly!"