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Joke of the Day

"A guide to procrastination... I'll tell you later..."

"The next time someone tells me they feel like a million bucks I'm going to try to deposit them into my checking account."

"A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it."

"Had a German plumber over today And he managed to plug our gas line to the shower. Guess old habits is hard to get out of Edit: spelling"

"I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn't understand. I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight."

"Give it to me, I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me! no matter how much she begged, I would't give her the umbrella"

"Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school? Sounds like he had already done the... time"

"I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since. I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne."

"How can a redneck tell his twin sisters apart? By taste."

"Marriage is like Thanksgiving dinner You can make it last, but it gets a little worse every day."