116060

Joke of the Day

"I'm amazed by the number of people who text while driving. How do they manage to maintain control of their car without spilling their beer?"

"Why did the man get excited when he had sex with a pregnant woman? He could tell all his friends he had a threesome!"

"At least I have all day sober to Sunday up....."

"I've decided to move to southern France... I've got nothing Toulouse."

"Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs."

"Parenting is basically telling your kids they need to eat more fruit then telling them to quit eating all the fruit."

"Once, when my grandma stepped out of the bathtub... and my sister commented that the hair on her privates'' was getting rather sparse, Granny retorted that ""grass don't grow on a racetrack""."

"What do you call three Trumpies? Drei rot."

"What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table. [Thanks, Wagon Train camper!]"

"Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?"