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Joke of the Day

"Katy Perry has made it so awkward to buy cherry chapstick. I swear that cashier just winked and licked his lips at me."

"A guy in the store on his cell said ""Susan, I'm in my car on my way"" so I yelled ""NO HE'S NOT!"" Because nobody lies to Susan in front of me."

"My mate says I don't understand irony... Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop at the time."

"When the police asked Bernie if he profited from stealing millions of dollars from his former clients he replied, ""What do you think i'm Madoff?"""

"What's green and smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"What do a Yugo and a bath have in common? You can't step out of them in public."

"I had a three way the other night.... Had a couple no shows, but I still had a good time."

"when girls are mad at you they go on twitter and rt something that is the exact reason they're mad...they find it in under a minute too"

"Just ignore me !"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man!"