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Joke of the Day

"My five-year-old: ""I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT!"" No two-week notice or anything. She'd better not expect a reference."

"Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys."

"What came first the chicken or the egg? The rooster."

"Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski"

"I got a new job breaking up suicidal couples. I'm not very good at it, two of them already tied the knot."

"Who is the poorest in England? The Tooth Fairy!"

"What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? Redditors can't take a joke."

"Starting a diet is a lot like starting a lawn mower, you struggle and sweat and end up on the couch eating ice cream with your shirt off."

"My sister bet me a $100 i couldn't build a car out of Spaghetti... You should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta!!!!"

"My sex life (Dirty) My sex life is like the Kentucky Derby, four hours of foreplay, and only 90 seconds of real action"