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Joke of the Day

"My sister bet me a $100 i couldn't build a car out of Spaghetti... You should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta!!!!"

"How do you have a party in space? you Planet!"

"When a waiter sees my disability and asks the person I'm with what I want to eat, I respond ""Our telepathy is a bit off. You should ask me."""

"I Hate Watching Romantic Movies at the Cinema I hate watching romantic movies at the cinema because I'm the only one who laughs, especially at those crying in front of me."

"Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it"

"Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time."

"Did you hear about the race between Cambodia and Burma? It was a Thai."

"What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military? Survalence"

"What console does god use? Praystation"

"I was talking to coworkers about quitting this job and working as a pornographic actor... I decided against it, because I realized I was quitting ""This fucking job for that fucking job."""