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Joke of the Day

"Since 3D is so popular, all my tweets will be in 3D from now on. But you have to supply your own glasses."

"How to kiss: 1-open your mouth 2-wider 3-wider 4-unhinge jaw 5-summon the Dark Overlord"

"What if... ...the U.S. government builds a wall to keep the Americans in?"

"My friend told me his wife talks a lot in her sleep ""I know"" was probably not the right answer"

"Facebook game requests are the Jehovah's Witnesses of the Internet"

"Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?"

"[i walk in with broken ribs and face bleeding] yeah but you should see the other guy! [cut to: horse just chilling in a field enjoying life]"

"""I will love you forever or until I cum"" MEN"

"The ""Ooooo"" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower."

"Pharmacist: ""That'll be $97."" Long pause. We both bust out laughing. ""Have a good day, comrade."" he says, handing me the prescription."