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Joke of the Day

"The ""Ooooo"" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower."

"If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too? We'd better or it will be curtains for us."

"girl if we were pokemon you would be a pichu and i would be a raichu because im a convicted child molestor"

"I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like... ""Who are you?"" and ""Is that a gun?"""

"Set your phone alarm to a song you hate. You won't hit snooze, because then you'd have to hear Nickelback again."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He didn't want to get spotted."

"How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black"

"Why don't you sleep with an 90 year old lady..... Have you ever tried to peel a grilled cheese apart?!?"

"My dad I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Did you try turning your relationship off and then back on again?"