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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Hey sexy, the kids are asleep, I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear."" Me: ""OK, ... the bathroom....the kitchen....your car..."""

"Contrary to popular belief, the best lubricant for anal sex is not tears. It's blood"

"The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy. I need to quit making rash decisions."

"I grew up poor . The end of the month was difficult money wise especially the 30 last days."

"You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed."

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision."

"Did you hear the latest joke about Baltimore? It's a riot"

"This ATM will not give me free money no matter how many times I try the Konami Code."

"What's a Native's 2 favourite colours? Blue and Blue Light."

"Math proves girls are evil"