115513

Joke of the Day

"(NSFW) Last night I tried to hit the ceiling with my jizz, but just like every night, I was unsuccessful. It was one of my many shortcomings"

"It's late and I'm wondering what my high school girlfriend is doing now. I'd call her but I know she has a big algebra test tomorrow."

"Damn girl, can you guys stop with these retarded jokes? The first 2 were funny...the last 10,000 have been dumb as shit."

"What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in? A high rise"

"If Ebenezer Scrooge were a sheep, what kind of hat would he wear? A Baa-Homburg!"

"I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled."

"Wish someone would invent a device that would allow me to speak instead of having to text back and forth 30 times to get my point across."

"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bail."

"A man and a boy are walking through a dark forest... The boy turns to the man and says ""Its dark, I'm scared."" The man replies with ""You're scared? I have to walk back through here on my own!"""

"I saw a couple of adjectives and a pronoun nervously smoking outside court yesterday. Probably awaiting sentencing."