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Joke of the Day

"(NSFW) Last night I tried to hit the ceiling with my jizz, but just like every night, I was unsuccessful. It was one of my many shortcomings"

"How do generals show their gratitude to their troops? They give tanks."

"Sometimes when I'm drunk, I put on a trench coat, lurk around the shadows and pretend I'm the host from Unsolved Mysteries"

"Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel? Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep."

"What's a drug addict's favorite music genre? Crack rock"

"Q: How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: WHAT?"

"Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land. Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox. Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?"

"How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a goose."

"""Please. I need this"" I whisper as a 14 year old girl starts to get the better of me in an arm wrestling match."

"It's a sin to love another's wife and a punishment to love yours."