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Joke of the Day

"If your relationship has more issues than a magazine stand then I suggest you cancel that subscription"

"Q: What do you call a blonde that can suck a golfball through a water hose? A:Sweetheart!"

"If you're gonna buy me a drink...... At least push my stool in!"

"What's a Vikings favourite dance? The Loki cokey."

"Life is like toilet paper... You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"I didn't see San Andreas because I heard there's not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, ""It's not your fault."""

"What do you call a 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor."

"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."

"Listen guys, if a 5yo comes up to you and asks if it's true that zombies won't eat kids who eat their broccoli, BACK ME UP, DAMN IT."

"What do you do if you see a space man? Park in it man."