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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my microwave Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her."

"I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page no pun in ten did"

"Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"Girl are you a school? Because I wanna shoot some kids in you"

"How does Albus get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble-door"

"I always wanted to be just like my mother. Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything."

"when someone pisses you off start counting down from 10. When you get to 8 punch them in the throat, they will never expect it."

"Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off."

"My wife has a book on homeopathy I've only read the blurb on the back, but I think I know everything I need to know about it."

"No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e."