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Joke of the Day

"I Got Banned From /r/twoxchromosomes I guess I am too male to understand (Y)."

"Hey I really like you. I wanted to know if you'd like to gradually grow to despise each other over the next 4-5 years."

"I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*"

"Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!"

"Blood is thicker than water. Maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it."

"Wind turbines. I'm a big fan."

"Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday. ..."

"What's the difference between a kinky guy and a pervert? ""The kinky guy uses the feather but the pervert uses the whole chicken"" As told to me by the old guy who sat next to me on the plane"

"I always finish sandwiches because there will already be too many regrets when I die."

"So I was doing donuts in my car.. And a cop pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?"